I Wrote This Instead of Screaming

Couldn’t sleep, three in the morning
Lying there, mind still turning
And then it hit me like it should’ve years ago,
As you wish, I promised, now I know.
All the times you stayed, all the times you came
The kitchen dancing, learning your family’s name
And then the voice that always follows
He could never see you that way

Am I reading it right?
Or am I making it up in the dark?
Ten years of maybe
Finally landing on my heart
The dancing, the promise
The way you always come
Am I reading it right?
Or am I just someone who wants to be loved?

Layover in Minneapolis
Countdown timer on my phone
You know I’m coming, you just don’t know
How badly I need to see your face
I used to wait at the gate for you
Heart in my throat, watching you come through
This time I’m the one who needs the ending
Or the beginning, I just need to know

Am I reading it right?
Or am I making it up in the dark?
Ten years of maybe
Finally landing on my heart
The dancing, the promise
The way you always come
Am I reading it right?
Or am I just someone who wants to be loved?

You’ve always had two rooms in me
One for the friend you’ve always been
One I Kept locked and didn’t name
Afraid of what was living in between
I’m not asking you to choose me
I’m just asking if you see me
The way I think I might see you
The way I’ve been too scared to

Now you’re reading this
Whatever you find in the dark
Ten years of maybe
Finally landing on your heart
The dancing, the promise
The way you always come
Now you’re reading this
Are we just friends
Or is there something more to become?

I’ll be at the gate
I’ll be right there
Whatever you’re reading
I’m already there